Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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