We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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