Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
