I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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