just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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