I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
