I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
