Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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