just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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