no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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