my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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