Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
