I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
