He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
