I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
