your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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