I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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