The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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