so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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