just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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