If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize