i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
