Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize