Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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