Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Vodka?
Forever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
