well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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