I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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