No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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