In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
