Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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