So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
