Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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