when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
