I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
