How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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