i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize