my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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