Swine flu. Run for my life!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize