Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You smell like a Billy Joel song
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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