How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
