how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize