Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
