Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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