well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
