I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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