you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
