i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
