You smell like stripper and shame
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
