I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
