You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
