IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
