She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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