I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
