Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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