I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
