Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My vagina is officially offended.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
