K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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