DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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