How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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