my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
