So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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