The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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