fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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