At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
