You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
