FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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