I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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