I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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