No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
did i walk over a car last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
