whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
