between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
