i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
